The Funny/LOL Thread

Discussion in 'Random Thoughts' started by ultrabike, Oct 15, 2015.

  1. Thad E Ginathom

    Thad E Ginathom Friend

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    I don't think I read that. Did read a couple more of his books, but nothing came close to the surreal, biting whit and soaring romance of The Master.
     
  2. Armaegis

    Armaegis Friend

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    Listening to the neighbour's kids playing in the kiddy pool. They're all around 4-5 years old:

    kid1: I have a new game!
    kid2: what?
    kid1: imma take this (beach) ball, and and whap you in the face with it
    kid2: yeah!!
    kid 1 then lobs the ball up, and does a fantastic volleyball smash into kid 2's face
    much giggling ensues
    kid1: ok now me now me!
    kid 2 lobs up, then smashes hard enough that kid1 falls out of the pool
    more giggling ensues
    kids: grandma!
    grandma: don't you dare!

    This isn't so much lol as it is just nostalgia, back when times were simple, back when we were seemingly invulnerable.
     
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  3. insidious meme

    insidious meme Ambivalent Kumquat

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    Too bad they changed the name of the village not too long after this video was put out.
     
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  4. Rob the Comic

    Rob the Comic banned from ASR

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    92DF7E9C-D67B-4F6D-8CD5-FA0F55A5F37F.jpeg

    Yeah, good luck with that. :))
     
  5. Thad E Ginathom

    Thad E Ginathom Friend

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    And a healthy diet is essential. That's why she eats his flesh at least once a week.
     
  6. Armaegis

    Armaegis Friend

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    Just this morning...


    mom: that's pretty good, I'm balling the nuts!

    me: what?!

    mom: see, it fits right in there!

    me: *looks over and sees mom putting the freshly roasted almonds into a contained filled exactly to the brim*

    mom: I'm good at balling the size!

    me: "eyeballing", mom, the word is eyeballing
     
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  7. Thad E Ginathom

    Thad E Ginathom Friend

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    even eyeballing the nuts is not something that one does not expect one's mum to announce to the world. Let her keep such pleasures to herself!
     
  8. Pharmaboy

    Pharmaboy Friend

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    Splinters of the One True Cross - Now Available!

    (new shipments arrive daily)
     
  9. Pharmaboy

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    Yes...

    All-New Baby Jesus Breakfast Wraps!
     
  10. Pharmaboy

    Pharmaboy Friend

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    (I was raised Catholic [a condition since forcibly reversed] so I can do this all day long)

    Jesus has been on the cross a long time and the end is near. It's very sad. St. Peter had kept a vigil at the foot of the cross but finally permits himself a brief cigarette break at the foot of the hill. Suddenly he hears Jesus call out for the 1st time in hours...

    "Apostle Peter, come to me. I must tell you something!"

    St. Peter runs back up the hill, expecting to hear Jesus issue one final life-altering proclamation.

    "Yes, Jesus, Son of Almighty God--I'm here."

    Jesus, squinting into the distance, replies: "I can see my house from here."
     
  11. Thad E Ginathom

    Thad E Ginathom Friend

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    Holy Tacos!

    Whoa! There are Christians among us.

    Wait... Whatever! They're welcome to ridicule my beliefs too! Just, they are not allowed to burn me at the stake, this lifetime.
     
  12. Pharmaboy

    Pharmaboy Friend

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    Sorry to break the news to you--but Christians feel entitled to burn any non-Christian at the stake, anytime, anywhere. It's a feature, not a bug, of the doctrine!

    (eg, Crusades)

    PS: I tend to not mock any religion but my own, though I'm particularly fond of Jewish jokes that involve Christians (a wonderfully skewed & historically resonant perspective)
     
  13. Beefy

    Beefy Friend

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    There are two things you never discuss in polite company. No . 1, religion. No. 2, whether the toilet paper hangs over the front, or over the back.

    (It hangs over the FRONT! All you back hanging philistines can DIAF!)
     
  14. Pharmaboy

    Pharmaboy Friend

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    I would add 2 other things you never discuss in polite company:

    No. 3, religion (in the context of toilet paper); and

    No. 4, toilet paper (in the context of religion)​
     
  15. Beefy

    Beefy Friend

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    So basically, don't wipe your arse with the dead sea scrolls. Got it.
     
  16. Tchoupitoulas

    Tchoupitoulas Friend

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    I love the random stuff people review on google. There are 4.138 reviews of the mountain, K2, on google maps, for instance. A couple of weeks back, some dude gave it 3 stars and wrote "There's a bigger mountain nearby if that's what you're after."
     
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  17. Rob the Comic

    Rob the Comic banned from ASR

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    In keeping with some of the above, here is my favourite religious joke. It’s harmless and ridiculous.

    A Steelers fan is on his way to the game, wearing a jersey, team colours etc. He has a heart attack, dies and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. St Peter sees his get up and says “no way, you’re not coming in.” The Steelers fan replies “hang on; last week I gave $10 to the Guide Dogs, the week before $10 to UNICEF and the week before that $10 to the ASPCA - if I don’t get in who does?!” St Peter says “I’ll talk to the boss”. About 15 minutes later St Peter returns and the Steelers fans asks excitedly “how did I go?” St Peter says “God feels the same way I do - here’s your 30 bucks back, now f**k off!”
     
  18. Pharmaboy

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    (from our friends in Canada)

    Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in a park in Toronto, when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.

    A reporter who's strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Maple Leafs Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.

    "But I'm not a Leafs fan," the little hero replies.

    "Sorry, since we are in Toronto, I just assumed you were." says the reporter and starts writing again. "Little Blue Jays Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack"

    "But, I'm not a Jays fan either," the boy says.

    "I assumed everyone in Toronto was either a Leafs or Jays fan. What team do you root for?" the reporter asks.

    "I'm a Montreal Canadiens fan." the b0y replies.

    The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little French Bastard from Montreal Kills Beloved Family Pet."
     
  19. Biodegraded

    Biodegraded Friend

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    Continuing in the same spirit (pun intended)...

    In Quebec, Catholicism is part of the fabric of society. New arrivals are of course not expected to give up their own religions, but nonetheless to have an idea of how that particular branch of Christianity fits into the local culture.

    So in an orientation session for new arrivals, the facilitator is trying to ascertain how much the current intake understand about local culture. So she asks, "ok, who among you can tell me the story of Easter?"

    New guy puts up his hand, "me miss, I got it".

    [many lines missed to spare the audience boredom - here's the punch:]

    "So then Jesus comes out of the cave, arms raised, to the admiration of His gathered followers - and then sees his shadow, takes fright, runs back in the cave and there's 6 more weeks of winter!".
     
  20. Pharmaboy

    Pharmaboy Friend

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    more continuing in the same spirit...weaving in regional differences

    An American, a Quebecer & a Newfie were in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar--a man. These three fellows kept looking at the other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when, suddenly, the American cried out, "I'd know that face anywhere. It's Jesus!"

    The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table. The American called out, "Hey, are you Jesus?" The man looks over at him, smiles and nods. "Yes, I am Jesus," he says. The American calls the bartender over and says, "Give Jesus a Budweiser." So the bartender pours a Bud and takes it over to his table. Jesus raises his glass, smiles, says "Thank you," and drinks.

    The Quebecer then calls out, "Pardonne moi--so you are Jesus?" Jesus smiles and says, "Yes, I am Jesus." The Quebecer tells the bartender to send over a Caribou for Jesus. Jesus sips his Caribou and smiles at the men.

    Then the Newfie calls out, "Hey, you! D'yafigger you're Jesus, or what?" Jesus nods and says, "Yes, I am Jesus." The Newfie is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a bottle of Black Horse for Jesus, which he accepts with pleasure.

    After finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches the three men. He takes the hand of the American and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the American shouts in amazement, "I'll be damned--my arthritis is gone!" Jesus then shakes the hand of the Quebecer, thanking him for the Caribou. Upon letting go, the Quebecer's eyes widen in shock. "Mon Dieu!" he exclaims, "This migraine I've had for 40 years is gone!"

    Jesus then approaches the Newfoundlander, who gets a terrified look on his face and shouts, "Back off, buddy--I'm on Workers Compensation."
     

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