General life advice?

Discussion in 'Random Thoughts' started by Ryu, Aug 2, 2016.

  1. Ryu

    Ryu Friend

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    I had just gotten home from an outing with some of my close family members. We went to a local pool and had dinner together. I came home and powered up my pc. I started playing some video games with my friends online. I've been playing video games for years now and have sunk a lot of time and effort into these games. It has only hit me just now when I almost threw my HD 650s off my head and at my monitor in rage that I am actually not having fun.

    I know a lot of you guys are on the older age of the spectrum and I really need some life advice. Like some genuine guidance of you will. I'm 20 years old and I feel like I have spent 5 years of that wasting my time and effort playing video games that I don't actually enjoy playing. The only reason I come back to them is because I know that I am good at it. That's it. I feel as if I can't make the effort to just stop playing and put more time into something that actually matters or could even help improve my life. It makes me so angry and mad that I feel as if I can't even help myself in stopping as well. I tried going cold Turkey about a year ago but even after I donated my pc to a friend I always found excuses to use the computer. I feel as if it's an addiction or something. Like a drug addict that has to keep coming back.

    What do I need to do? How do I stop thinking that my life is shitty and unimportant when I play these games and performs poorly? It feels like I just beat myself up instead of relaxing. You might be laughing or saying "You're young still. Go do something else." But it feels like a huge waste when I try something else. Like I am just giving up on a huge portion of my life.

    If you are still reading this, thank you for your time. I hope I haven't burdened you with this blog-like post.
     
  2. AdvanTech

    AdvanTech Friend

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    Why do you think it feels like a huge waste when you try something else?
     
  3. k4rstar

    k4rstar Britney fan club president

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    I'm around your age and have been gaming competitively for a few years. I learned this mostly from time spent playing FPS but I am sure you are aware of this fact and choose to ignore it. If you fill your life with balance, whether it be school, friends, family, working out, whatever; it is likely you will take the game a lot less seriously when you lose or under perform.

    Burn out is a very real thing when it comes to gaming, and I have met very few people that put in as many hours as me yet were able to keep their cool and composure all of the time. This was usually reflected in their real life personalities (easy going/laid back people). From personal experience, I found that taking a break or by simply replacing the pattern of all day play I was able to come back and suddenly it was everyone else who was a rager or taking the game too seriously. It slowly dawned on me that this was how I was behaving and this is how others were perceiving me, and truth be told it made me a little sick. I've since quit CS and I'd like to think I am better off for it.

    Obviously going cold turkey is not the only solution nor is the game itself the only problem. I don't have the years or life experience to be able to guide you on how to springboard to other activities but I hope you realize that these games you put your hours into trying to get better won't be around forever, and if you aren't enjoying yourself it certainly IS a waste of time to put more hours into them.

    Hope this helps.
     
  4. Armaegis

    Armaegis Friend

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    It was a hobby that you spent a lot of time in and derived enjoyment from. That's it.

    If your interest in it is gone, that's fine, hang up the boots so to speak and find a new hobby that creates that same enjoyment you used to have. That's it.

    This is life and it's gonna repeat itself. If you find it hard to convince yourself that XYZ will make you happy because eff it all you don't know what the hell you're doing with life, that's fine, just pick something that makes you money and/or gets you laid (and doesn't hurt others or yourself in the process).

    I've spent the last 15 years with dance as a primary hobby, but injuries and whatnot are pushing me further and further to the sideline. It saddens me that I can't move like I used to, but I find enjoyment from teaching and organizing events for others.

    I've spent the last 10 years working on a PhD but unfortunate circumstances have closed that door to me and I feel like I've lost a decade of my life. It sucks bigtime and I'm honestly confused as all hell, but I gotta move on and find a new direction in life. If I dwell on what I've lost, I lock myself into a perpetual loop of loathing and regret. Believe me, it's easier said than done, but don't let yourself fall into that trap.

    Just go and do something. Anything. Make a gorram list, doesn't have to be a bucket list or anything life changing, just write any crap down that comes to mind and go try it. Figure out all the life bogus later.
     
  5. ultrabike

    ultrabike Measurbator - Admin

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    Forget about the games. Go out and enjoy life. With all it's ups and downs.
     
  6. robot zombie

    robot zombie Friend

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    Ooof, I'm a little older than you and I've been through that a few times. I'm very much an on or off person when it comes to what I am passionate about. The only one that's stuck around is music. I've been playing guitar for 13 years and I swear that the way I appreciate music changes with the seasons.

    But even those are on and off. I bounce around between other things as well, though the difference is that I never come back to those. I AM a musician through and through, but I don't tend to think of myself as one. It's just something I'm often interested in doing. And when I'm not, I dive into something else, because my heart just isn't in it that day. That's all. Perhaps that's where your relationship with gaming should be.

    Over the years, I think I've learned to live a bit more gracefully and manage my interests a lot better. Letting go is often the hardest thing to do. Obsessing about it doesn't help, though. That problem solving attitude doesn't help. It only feeds the obsession. It's not a problem for you to solve! It's not even a problem. It's just that the human heart likes to stay in motion. If you don't move with it, it will gladly move on without you and you'll never know it.

    As time goes by, interests and friends come and go. That's just life. When there's too much of the same, you stagnate and become miserable. You can't expect the same actions to continually provide you with the same experiences. Just enjoy the ride till it's over. There will be many more to come. You don't go to an amusement park and spend the entire day riding one ride over and over again, do you?

    Perhaps that passion for gaming is on its way out, but YOUR passion is still there. Believe me, there's nothing better than finding new ways to tap into that. It's one of the more fulfilling experiences I think you can have, so long as you know going in that it might not last. That's a lesson I think we all have to learn at some point in life. That is, there's no point in life when you've "made it" and found your passion for good. The secret to youth is continuing to pursue it as it moves away from you.

    Don't ever limit yourself to the things you can be passionate about. Don't ever tie too much of your identity into any one thing. The mark of an interesting person is a passion for many things. And they are able to achieve that through balance. You'd think it would be exhausting, but when you're rotating from thing to thing, it's easier to keep things fresh. It gives you vigor.

    I dunno. I think you'll be okay. Where you're at now is a difficult but necessary part of personal development. It's the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. I think after a run or two like this, you simply learn to be more open-minded and receptive to new interests. You kind of start longing for that newness in things from time to time.

    And with that comes a fondness for older passions. You find yourself revisiting occasionally, but it's not the same because you've moved on. And that's okay. It wasn't a waste. You were doing what you loved. That's a blessing. Always. Trying to relive those times is meaningless. Instead, you take those memories with you as you pursue new things. With those older experiences to draw on, new endeavors are "just like old times." They're your guideposts. You think those times are gone forever, but that's never true. The circumstances change, but the nature of that experience is universal. Don't get so hung up on the "whats" of it all.

    And who knows? Maybe further down the line, you'll be able to enjoy gaming again. Sometimes you have to do some living and growing to get to the heart of why you do what you do and what you really want, yanno? If it feels like a waste of time, it probably is...

    For now, I suggest you simply be patient and honest with yourself. Find something new and give me a call in 6 months letting me know how you feel about it. There are great many interesting things revolving around gaming. Now might be a good time to foray into some of those. Perhaps as you proceed in getting involved with those things, you may rediscover your passion for gaming and come to appreciate it in ways you never anticipated. You could also move further away. That's okay too. As you do, clinging to the past starts making less and less sense.

    One or the other is bound to happen eventually though. You can't fight these things if you hope to be happy with your choices. Life is an adventure, dude!

    Human beings are like a phoenix to the flame. We die and are reborn countless times. Our love is fickle. That forgetfulness is both our bane and our one saving grace. Wouldn't it really be a shame to be shackled down to one way of living and enjoying life? I think it would, anyway.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2016
  7. ultrabike

    ultrabike Measurbator - Admin

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    BTW. To give you a hint. Sometimes I have all these ideas about doing this or that awesome sauce stuff, only to get interrupted to perform family activities that at the moment seem like a waste of time... only to find out that they are my most treasured and meaningful moments.

    And I never learn.
     
  8. robot zombie

    robot zombie Friend

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    Hah @ultrabike. That's a good hint.

    Sometimes, I'll be fantasizing about what I actually want to do while I'm at work. I'll wake up and wish I didn't have to go. Too many things I'd rather be doing and everything else is a waste of time. But after that, I often wind up getting so into some monotonous task that I'm actually very happy to be there. I love my job so much that it baffles me sometimes. I just feel so alive lining-up and knocking-down what I myself think should be boring tasks.

    Other times, I'll look forward to doing something for weeks only to completely not be having it when the time finally comes and wind-up getting sucked into something else instead.

    Immersion is a strange and elusive state of being. I almost never find it where I think I will. The most unexpected things can wind up pushing you into the most profound states of flow. I'm not entirely convinced that it's an experience that we can evoke all on our own. You don't always get to choose what gets the gears turning. Just gotta take it when/where you can get it, I suppose. *shrugs*
     
  9. Madaboutaudio

    Madaboutaudio Friend

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    If you are not a professionally paid gamer, don't get over engrossed into video games. Whatever crap like top tier gear, trophy achievements or hi score you get are just binary 1s and 0s. They mean nothing when you look back in 5 or 10 years time. Games are meant to be enjoyed for the moment, win lose or draw does not matter seriously.

    You have to understand that human life is fleeting. Treasure and spend ample time with your loved ones, especially family members and those that you truly loved. You never know the day they might just leave you without any last words or the other way round where you leave them. You do not want to regret at their deathbed/coffin, that's the most awful feeling in life.

    There's a lot of demons in life, from gambling, sex, drugs to even money. Try not to get entangled by them.
     
  10. johnjen

    johnjen Doesn’t want to be here but keeps posting anyways

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    My 2¢
    Life is about experience, as in what do YOU want to experience.
    And at this point (being 20 something) the vast majority of it lies ahead of you.
    And yeah that may sound like platitudes or some such,
    But…
    I'd suggest you pay attention to what and where your INTERESTS point you.

    IOW Do what you love, and simultaneously, love what you do.
    This is the key to knowing yourself.
    And there is no greater aspiration nor means of experiencing that which is meaningful,
    to YOU,
    than Temet Nosce (Know Thyself).

    And along the way you'll get to do some really kewl stuff that will engage
    YOU
    and in ways that will entice and fascinate
    YOU.

    This is all about growth and subsequently knowing what and who you truly are.

    The 'trick' is in learning to listen to your desires, your hearts desires, as in what motivates you, where and what does your curiosity impel you to pursue,
    BECAUSE it captures,
    your imagination,
    your curiosity,
    your desire to know,
    your inquisitiveness,
    your creativity,
    where your sense of self is drawn to.
    (pick and choose from any of the above.)

    Lastly.
    Do NOT be afraid of making mistakes along the way.
    But DO learn as much as you can from these 'types' of experiences.

    Indeed that is why they manifest.
    (think of them as a fast track accelerated learning technique.)

    Just a few thoughts to ponder.

    JJ
     
  11. Deep Funk

    Deep Funk Deep thoughts - Friend

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    Due to my family's "creative accounting" I dropped out of school, became broke and almost faced becoming homeless. Now a year later I am almost debt free and I can work on my future plans. Family is not welcome mind you.

    I am simply going to do my thing and enjoy life again. My focus is on my health, friends and future plans/projects.

    @Ryu , go out and do your thing. Change things up, fail, learn, fail again, become good at something and enjoy the things you want to do. Do your thing...

     
  12. Case

    Case Anxious Head (Formerly Wilson)

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    I'm sorry you're in pain. Your self-awarness is something to be proud of, especially at your age, or any age really. Keep reaching out and remember to go easy on yourself once in awhile -
     
  13. Hands

    Hands Overzealous Auto Flusher - Measurbator

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    Just remember that nothing ultimately matters, that we'll all die eventually, and you'll probably not be as good at these games in the next couple decades anyway. Even if you do something great and have a legacy in history books, an undetected asteroid could wipe out all trace of humanity at any time, because the universe is apathetic.

    So, there's no point in taking things too seriously, and if you aren't enjoying an activity without seeing some form of other tangible gain from it that might contribute to happiness in other ways, you might as well just stop (i.e. sometimes you have to do things you don't like to get where you want to be, but gaming doesn't really get you anywhere). If there's no point to anything, you should shift focus to things that make you feel better, happier, more fulfilled, you name it, even if those too are still pointless and you're not ultimately sure why you care about them to begin with.

    Try hiking, meditating, consuming other forms of media, or, hell, even smoking a joint on the back patio and staring up at the night sky, if legally obtainable in your area, and contemplating. None of us can really tell you what to do. All we can offer are different perspectives on how to look at life, and it sounds like you've already taken the first step with your life evaluation.

    I would say most of the things I enjoy in life started as hobbies or knowledge areas I was completely and utterly clueless about, and most of my enjoyment came from learning and interacting with others. Sharing experiences and the like. I've never done something that I didn't enjoy just because it was habit or just because I was good at it. That left me feeling pretty unfulfilled at the end of the day.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2016
  14. Ryu

    Ryu Friend

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    I don't know how else to say "thank you". I don't know how to elaborate the feelings that you guys have bestowed upon me with your words of kindness and wisdom.

    @Hands
    Thanks for this. Some of these ideas are great and I will definitely try some of this stuff out. Vote Giant Meteor 2016!

    @Wilson
    I am sorry for being in pain as well. It doesn't feel good and I hate the things it makes me say and do. I am glad that the people in this community are so kind.

    @Deep Funk
    Love the song. Very fitting. The last line you said to me made me feel very good about myself.

    @johnjen
    Dilige te ipsum

    @ultrabike and @Madaboutaudio
    Thank you for the tips about loving my family. Some times I get sidetracked and self absorbed. I think this is a good reminder for anyone every now and again.

    @robot zombie
    I miss immersion.Immersion reminds me of my childhood when I had all the time in the world to read whatever books I wanted. I miss reading. I think I am going to go to the library today after work and get a book to read. The phoenix analogy and the chapter analogy were also very good. I think you hit the nail on the head with the point on becoming a new person.

    @Armaegis
    That really sucks that you couldn't get your Ph.D and that you had to stop dancing. To know that you put in such hard work into something all for almost naught is very dissatisfying. From what I have learned today, you just need to accept it and move on. To understand that you can't change the past and to look towards the future. I am very thankful for your insight and kind words. The tip on the loop is also something that I have experienced as well and I hope to continue to avoid it as well.

    @k4rstar
    I don't think that I have chosen to ignore it. I go to school during the Fall and Spring semesters ( I only have two more semesters left before I get my AA!) and I work part time during school and full time when out. I think I just need to get more intune with it and focus more on it. Thank you again for sharing your experience with me.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2016
  15. Stapsy

    Stapsy Friend

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    A lot of great advice here. You really shouldn't worry about "wasting" your time. We are all wasting our time doing something or other and it is perfectly normal to lose interest in something that was a big part of your life. What matters most is that you enjoy what you are doing.

    Since you seem on a path of self-reflection, let me ask you a question...what is it about video games that initially drew you in? Perhaps finding the answer could help rekindle your passion for gaming or provide you with inspiration to move on to something else.
     
  16. Ryu

    Ryu Friend

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    If I recall correctly it was my natural talent for them. Another thing maybe was watching my Father play them when I grew up and figured it would be fun since he does it too. With this being thought of he also moved on from gaming, most likely because he had less time to play and focused much more on work to provide for our family. Again, everything comes full circle back to the moving on and finding that new exciting thing that gets me going. Thanks for the thought provoking question. I'll continue on the self reflection.
     
  17. fraggler

    fraggler A Happy & Busy Life

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    Some great advice/personal stories shared already that should give you some food for thought. To reiterate/rephrase some great points that I feel are important:

    You only get one life - there isn't time to dwell on the past. Every moment you spend doing anything is a sunk cost - you can't get it back. Don't continue doing things just because you already spent time doing them - hobbies, relationships, etc. And don't beat yourself up if you did waste time or made mistakes. That only wastes more time :) Learn what you can and move on. If you find no joy anymore in something, stop doing it and try something new. The pursuit is the important part (life is a journey, yadda yadda). It might take a while to find something new that give you joy, but if you don't look, you won't find it. This doesn't mean you shouldn't stop to appreciate things (every moment you are alive is a blessing with the right perspective), but don't let yourself get stuck.

    And do try to appreciate that you are young - with more experiences, you gain more insight, and that helps you better cope with the inevitable crises that come along.

    Best of luck.
     
  18. johnjen

    johnjen Doesn’t want to be here but keeps posting anyways

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    By Jove, I think you've got it…:)

    JJ
     
  19. jowls

    jowls Never shitposts (please) - Friend

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    As it turns out, I have spent time with a number of people at the point of life to death. Human relationships are the things they reflect on, not experiences or achievements. Never let these distractions get in the way of connecting with people, in the real sense.
     
  20. GettingBuckets

    GettingBuckets Almost "Made"

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    For all this stuff, the only thing I can probably add is the fact that you just need to go and take that first step because it is always the hardest thing to do. We spend more time worrying and contemplating doing the things we say or think we are going to do instead of just shutting down our minds and just doing it. We are all creatures of our habits, so starting anything new will make us uncomfortable. However, once you get out that door and dive in, it gets easier and easier.

    As motivational Shia would like to say...

    [​IMG]
     

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