WHAT IS SBAF? 10 ARTICLES FOR BEHAVIOR

Discussion in 'Tales from the Bully Pulpit' started by purr1n, Dec 18, 2017.

  1. Arnold_J_Rimmer

    Arnold_J_Rimmer Probationary member

    Banned
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2021
    Likes Received:
    367
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    I agree with some of what you're saying. There are many people here who are definitely not friends with one another. Two have recently told me they would like to punch me in the face (one of whom was a mod). A staff member has said (not to my face) they couldn't care whether I lived or died. Yet another mod has said that they aren't sure why my presence here is tolerated. If it's a family, it's sometimes entirely dysfunctional and includes the black sheep who no one talks about.

    Often noise is created in an attempt to quell noise. Go figure. Instead of taking people around the corner to shoot them quietly the pillory is used. Vocal individuals stake perceived miscreants to the ground and the crowd is invited to throw rotten cabbages and tomatoes. I suppose this rough justice and public shaming works. Unfortunately, as well as discouraging bad content, I think it also discourages good content. No one likes being pilloried.

    Super Best Audio Friends? No. Super Best Audio Family? No. Super Best Audio Cliques? Yes. In order to be accepted into most of the cliques it's necessary to take your time. Firstly, wade through the nuanced chaos to determine the groups and where they share members. Secondly, determine which group you'd like to be part of. Thirdly, engage sparingly with members of the group in a manner that intelligently employs their lingo and culture. Fourthly, wait until one of the group's influencers takes notice of you in a good way. Fifthly, speak more freely within the group. Sounds a lot like high school, really. If it doesn't work out come and sit with the nerds on the music table. They're almost always happy to have you. I usually avoid those who enjoy spitting in my sandwich, though.

    Oh - the "ignore" button is your friend.

    It's sometimes possible to queue-jump the process. If you have a special talent, knowledge or know a prominent member in real life you will be welcomed more swiftly and enthusiastically. Entirely undemocratic and, at times, unfair. Not a criticism - It's just the way it is. The political system seems to be a benevolent dictatorship but with ochlocratic elements permitted to take their course from time to time when it suits the purposes of the rulers.

    That said, there are some good people and great content.

    Disclaimer - These opinions are entirely my own and based on personal experiences and observations.
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 3
    • List
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2021
  2. ajaxender

    ajaxender Rando

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2019
    Likes Received:
    30
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Location:
    New Zealand
    I don't disagree with this - it's part of why I mostly lurk, have done for a long while - but I think you're missing something. SBAF is self aware. It knows what it is, or at least the accepted regulars do.

    Could be better? In this regard, yeah, probably. *Should* be better? Should is a mostly useless fucking word that blinds us to reality. SBAF is what the Friends want it to be. Fighting against it is a pointless, needless battle. Accept it and it will probably more easily accept you.
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 6
    • List
  3. Arnold_J_Rimmer

    Arnold_J_Rimmer Probationary member

    Banned
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2021
    Likes Received:
    367
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    As a "Friend" I've come and gone. Good reasons for this.

    Yes - SBAF is self aware and has even passed the Turing Test. I'm not fighting, as that never goes well in any form of dictatorship; merely describing. I'm a jaded observer, bitter at times. Maybe I'll soon be a lynched jaded observer. Trying to cope with the toxicity is the price of entry I pay to enjoy the rides and attractions.
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 1
    • List
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2021
  4. Thad E Ginathom

    Thad E Ginathom Friend

    Friend
    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2015
    Likes Received:
    9,141
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    India
    Mr @Arnold_J_Rimmer, you have history, right? You allude to that loosely, vaguely, and in a they gave me a hard time before kind of way. And I disliked your posts because, even though you may have scattered truths in them, you are, essentially, gaslighting.
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 17
    • List
  5. Armaegis

    Armaegis Friend

    Friend BWC
    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2015
    Likes Received:
    4,665
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Winnipeg
    Any community (internet or otherwise) develops personality. Beyond a certain size, it will develop subdivisions. Some will form into cliques etc, though in of itself that's not a bad thing. Moderation becomes a necessity in order to maintain the integrity of the community, but then inevitably you get the gatekeepers. Sometimes they and the moderators are one and the same, but oftentimes they are self-appointed. Some are generally helpful, guiding newcomers to the appropriate threads while answering questions along the way. Others are downright hostile, and I don't need to describe it because most of us see it and do nothing.

    I sit by and watch it happen, and sometimes I feel guilty because I feel like the treatment was undeserved, so does that make me complicit? (blah blah evil will triumph when good does nothing blah blah) Occasionally I see someone get called out for trash posting with sources and realize that I didn't look deeply into it so maybe the harsh gatekeeping was justified.

    Honestly, I turn a blind eye to most of it and I can't keep track of the drama. I've been around long enough that most folks know me, but I've never really felt like I was part of the "in crowd". Things usually seem to work themselves out, and for the most part I don't really see the moderators taking part in the "hazing". Notably, I've seen many instances where a newbie asks somethings, a gatekeeper promptly tries to put them in their place, then a post or two later Marv calmly answers the questions and nothing else. Maybe intentional or not, I've always taken that as a lead by example.
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 12
    • List
  6. k4rstar

    k4rstar Done his time

    Friend BWC
    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2016
    Likes Received:
    5,372
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    maybe the 11th article of behavior can be to not act like this guy ^ who signs up again after being banned permanently (hey, it's cool, I've been there) but with an obnoxious name, obnoxious profile picture, making obnoxious posts, and then crying out that there are people who find him obnoxious! don't you see the irony in this attention-seeking cycle?

    I am not for bullying but I do believe in self improvement and so far I have only seen you try to sidestep your character flaws with pseudo-intellectual nonsense and annoyingly allude to past transgressions (seriously, no one cares). all this suggests you have too much free time on your hands, 126 posts in 30 days? I don't think I make so many in a year

    chill out!

    p.s. I am the founder and only member of my own clique: no girls allowed
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 14
    • List
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2021
  7. Azimuth

    Azimuth FKA rtaylor76, Friend

    Friend
    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2015
    Likes Received:
    3,652
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Nashville, TN
    Home Page:
    I think everyone gets respected as an individual here. Hazing only happens when someone does not read the room and realize the noise they are posting. I think you do have to have a thick skin here, but mostly self awareness. Realize the post/like ratio, post things that someone might actually find useful. Otherwise it is crap posting. And if you make challenges, just be ready to be challenged back and don't take it personal (that is the thick skin part).

    I know I was kind of ass in the past and still feel bad about that. I even made amends with JK47 and now I kind of even miss him around here.

    I agree though that we are not a family, just a small community. Albeit a weird odd collective community.
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 4
    • List
  8. crenca

    crenca Friend

    Friend
    Joined:
    May 26, 2017
    Likes Received:
    2,244
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Location:
    Southern New Mexico
    This is fundamentally narcissistic and bitter. I am trying to be more selective with dislikes but you deserve one with this 'fuck you SBAF' diatribe. You have a chip on your shoulder in addition to a sense of entitlement when it comes community, even ones as non-consequential as an online audio forum. How many times a day does your wife punch you in the face? It's not enough...

    edit: on the friends and/or family thing, friendship used to commonly mean something more than just a person to share an interest/time with but who is otherwise completely non challenging and agreeable - a "good time buddy". If a person does not challenge, correct, or otherwise cause you to suffer a little bit occasionally they were not your friend - friendship in this view was not a synonym for "safe space", rather it was a real give-and-take. Call me a dinosaur, but I expect any number of you to "spit in my (audio or otherwise) sandwich" if I deserve it...
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 5
    • List
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2021
  9. Arnold_J_Rimmer

    Arnold_J_Rimmer Probationary member

    Banned
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2021
    Likes Received:
    367
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    No one saw that coming.

    My post is a warning to new and prospective members. Everything after that is everything I've come to expect.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2021
  10. Claud

    Claud Living the ORFAS dream

    Friend
    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2018
    Likes Received:
    997
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Location:
    North Carolina
    What we have here is an internet community. I had been in a smaller forum originally about "Home Theater" since the late 80s. It was a very friendly group unless the topic was politics. They had to make a separate section for that and NSFW. Over the years, A few members were banned. They were new members that had not learned to "work and play with others". These people do not change. If Arnold Rimmer has been banned before, why was he allowed to join again. The mods here have been helpful to me and I needed it. It has not been easy to transition from HeadFi, but I think I am getting the hang of it.
    (please note the number of my dislikes)
    I am sure there are several here that really do not like me. I am old and stupid which I can not do much about. No one here has personally attacked me in a while so, I must be doing OK.
    Its not about me. I am using myself as an example. I thank Thad Ginathom for joining this discussion. He has a different protective. By the way, Thad, what is "gaslighting" ?
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 12
    • List
  11. Arnold_J_Rimmer

    Arnold_J_Rimmer Probationary member

    Banned
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2021
    Likes Received:
    367
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    Keep it coming. You can do better than that.
     
  12. Azimuth

    Azimuth FKA rtaylor76, Friend

    Friend
    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2015
    Likes Received:
    3,652
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Nashville, TN
    Home Page:
    Somebody's crusin' for a brusin'.
     
  13. Merrick

    Merrick A lidless ear

    Friend
    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2016
    Likes Received:
    7,467
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    Just a general thought. When someone seeks attention, negative attention is as fulfilling to them as positive attention. The only way to deny someone who wants attention is to not pay them any.
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 12
    • List
  14. Arnold_J_Rimmer

    Arnold_J_Rimmer Probationary member

    Banned
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2021
    Likes Received:
    367
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    Excellent point! I wish more SBAF members would see this. This "piling" is just further noise and rewards those who seek it. Everyone who has posted in response to me is going about things the wrong way if you're trying to improve S/N. Send me a PM! Report my post! Wait for the mods to do something! Anything but what you (not you @Merrick - I'm using "you" plural and am addressing the mob) have just done.

    Shortly this sequence of posts will be moved to "How to Win Friends" (probably - now that I've made this observation it might not be). I sincerely hope that the post I made that triggered this will not be moved with the rest of it. It serves a purpose and is true. The real audience of this thread, and my post, is people who have just joined or are thinking about joining.

    Just in case it doesn't get moved: For new members and guests, there's a sub-forum called "How to Win Friends & Influence People". It's basically a wall of shame. Someone makes a post - others hotly disagree - usually the victim has either said something stupid or is out of step with the SBAF ethos. The bad content is lifted out of its original thread and forms the basis of a new thread in this garbage pile. Another tactic to improve S/N.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2021
  15. robot zombie

    robot zombie Friend

    Friend
    Joined:
    May 11, 2016
    Likes Received:
    1,622
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Location:
    Ennui, FL
    Im not Thad but he probably wouldnt mind me telling you its basically just a way to make someone doubt themselves or the situation at hand enough for them to believe something different is happening. They may try to make you feel guilty or like you are forgetting or arent understanding something. Pretty standard manipulation tactic that we all learn to use as kids. Really throws relationships out of whack. The person being gaslit is enabling the other person's destructive behaviors at an emotional deficit. They wind up feeling like the bad person and start feeding the lies themselves. Breeds resentment and mistrust.

    Ill give a really basic example. When someone calmly gives some serious take on something, and someone responds with "lol triggered" that is a form of gaslighting. Theyre trying to make the other person feel like someone they arent, like theyre acting out of turn when the conversation is in fact reasonable. The goal is simply to get them to doubt what theyre saying... what they are FEELING. To stop them from thinking further into something.

    I dont know if this is or not. It kinda comes off like "I know how you guys can be." As though SBAF members are already being branded as abusive for some vague past situations that may or may not even be relevant. Anybody attempting to respond is on defense by default. I dated a girl who would put me in similar situations all of the time, always inviting me to stop being the bad guy. Looking back, most of it had nothing to do with me. But I bought it because I wanted to do right by her. Its just that there IS no point where you have done enough for her to feel better about things. There would always be something to feel bad about.

    These are subtle tricks people use to get you to believe things that arent true. But I don't like to assume that level of intent. Gaslighting seems minor but to sincerely toy with people like that is pretty dark and I like to think most people just wont be able to do it. Or if they are using it, its for something actually innocuous and they dont realize theyre running that defense. Most people do at some point... it really is one of the first defenses a person learns.
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 14
    • List
  16. nishan99

    nishan99 Friend

    Friend
    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2019
    Likes Received:
    649
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Location:
    Layla
    I agree!.
    I just had to 'unignore' the guy to know what the fuck is going on in this thread. Somehow Ignoring him is not enough :confused:.
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 6
    • List
  17. Azimuth

    Azimuth FKA rtaylor76, Friend

    Friend
    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2015
    Likes Received:
    3,652
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Nashville, TN
    Home Page:
    So, what's your point?

    You know all the rules and you break them and stoke the fires anyway. This is like running from the cops and saying, "I bet your going to catch me and handcuff me and then arrest me and then put me on trial in front of a judge."

    What a goof.
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 2
    • List
  18. Vtory

    Vtory Audiophile™

    Friend MZR
    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2016
    Likes Received:
    7,652
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Greater Philadelphia Area, PA
    I really don't know this guy, but the way he describes survival here convinced me why he could NOT survive well here. Maybe they worked for his high school, but not here. Because sbaf (as far as I perceive) is too x-rated to be a high school. I often find it resembles professional gatherings (faculty meeting, expert committees, etc), where new comers should keep silent about anything they're uncertain or expertise insufficient. Of course anyone can err. And immediate proper action always generously accepted in such groups -- sbaf not any different.
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 1
    • List
  19. Deep Funk

    Deep Funk Deep thoughts - Friend

    Friend
    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2015
    Likes Received:
    13,835
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Amsterdam
    Home Page:
    Whiskey

    Tango

    Foxtrot

    ...
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 8
    • List
  20. YMO

    YMO it's not drinking alone if you're on Zoom

    Friend
    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2018
    Likes Received:
    6,754
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    DUVALLL-904
    Oh thank you sweet jesus.

    Can we move his spam posts into a separate thread so we don't spam up this thread?
     
    • Like / Agree Like / Agree x 6
    • List

Share This Page