The Last Jedi Thread (with Spoilers)

Haven't watched Solo yet. Having a hard time to drag my ass to watch it this time. My wife and kids don't seem to care about it either.

Maybe Chewie f'ing with chickens in The Last Jedi left a subconscious negative impression.

 

I really want to see this one:


SYNOPSIS: We follow Cliff Claven, a junior officer in the Rebel infantry corps, during the last weeks of the Rebel base on Hoth before the Imperial attack. During this time, there isn't much to do for Claven other than count his days and nights (really, it's hard to tell the difference on Hoth) at the base cantina - where everybody knows his name.

OTHER CHARACTERS AND CAST

Ryan Reynolds as Sam Malone
Happy go lucky ex-jock now head-bar keep still trying to shake off his addiction to Romulan ale.

Emilia Clarke as Diane Chambers
Cantina waitress who joined the Rebel's progressive cause after being disillusioned by at the Imperial Communications Academy. Well, the real reason is that her boyfriend Director Krennic bit the dust at Scarif.

Woody Harrelson as Tobias "Woody" Beckett
Minor criminal boss presumed dead, but reformed after spending 180 days in a bacta tank. Now making an honest living as an assistant bartender.

Ernest Borgnine as "Coach"
CGI recreation with permission from his estate.

Andy Serkis as Morn
Rebel accountant hailing from a planet destroyed by the Death Star. Claven's drinking buddy.

 

*sigh*, don't get me started on the scene where Luke is pleasuring a "space seal" for food @ TLJ.

 

Rogue One should have been rated R and ended up in a blood bath. Not just a physical blood bath with blown off limbs et. al., but a pyschological hit-you-in-the-gut blood bath. The problem is that I did not give two shits for any of the characters other than the robot. Space Kung-Fu Dude getting blown up in an explosion? Oh, cool. I don't care. Chinese Laser Gatling Gun dude being the tough guy taking out the last few Deathtroopers with him? Whatever. Spastic Pakistani dude? I don't even remember how he got killed. Embrace at the beach before the ensuing fireball tsanami? WTF? When did this become an end-of-the-world romance movie?

I cared much more about the Wild Bunch getting wasted. Their objectives were largely reached near the end of the movie except for one small detail that they could have just as easily let go, and normally would have let go. Instead they made a choice to say "f**k it" and do the right thing. This made their deaths much more poignant. They even had another chance to get away, maybe; but decided to say "f**k it" again, because that piece-of-shit kraut totally deserved to die. And the way they went... Wow. Director Sam Peckinpah makes Tarantino look like a childish amateur. There's oh shit (a small jump scare, a gross out), and then there's OH SHIT! (to be point where one is riveted to their seat, completely silent in shock).

Why did I care? Because of character development and great performances from the likes of William Holden, Robert Ryan, Ernest Borgnine, etc. The Wild Bunch is spotty throughout its two-plus hour running time, consisting of a seemingly disjointed series of robbery and flashback vignettes, until we realize they were intended as vehicles for the audience to understand and sympathize with the characters.

Disney hires hacks* to write and direct this shit**. I long for the days of the autuer. The best thing that ever happened to the Star Wars movies was Fox hiring Irvin Kershner to direct ESB. Kerschner wasn't exactly a big name, having oddball TV and film director credits to his name for 25 years before, but if we take a look at his prior work, he was the right person for the job.

Isn't Star Wars is supposed to be epic science fiction, the modern equivalent of the epic Western?

*Garth Edwards is a better cinematographer, visual effects, director of photography - but he's totally out of his element as a director. He really needed 10-15 more years director experience to do epic science fiction right.

**Disney also hires actors who suck, or at best, totally out of place in Star Wars.

 

The reason it felt the most coherent was because it recycled the best things about Star Wars: Death Star, Imperial Officers, Secret Plans, Darth Vader, Bacta Tanks, Star Destroyers, Cerellian Blockade Runners, TIE Fighters, X-Wings, Rebel Cannon Fodder. And it built upon pre-existing Stormtroppers, for the Deathtroopers, Marinetroopers, etc. The suicide squad consisted of gruff dirty looking battle worn veterans, much like the Rebel pilot on Yavin in SW: A New Hope.

As for TLJ, WTF is this? I love Lego bricks, especially SW Lego, but I DO NOT WANT TO BUY THIS. THIS LOOKS RETARDED. Don't even get me started on how ball bombs need to be dropped over the Star Destroyers... in space.


And then, there is this? I don't know if this is pandering to Asia, to millennials, horny white guys who have a thing for Asian girls, or an SJW thing.

 

One of the many things that I did not understand is that if one could destroy an entire star destroyer fleet by light speed ramming your ship to them, then why the hell did no fighter pilot with a hyper drive took the initiative of doing just that?

I know dropping bombs in space is even more senseless stupid, but still. Don't these imperial star destroyers come equipped with basic deflector shields that would prevent purple-haired rebel bureaucrats from going kamikaze?

 

Exactly. Why do the V-4X-D sky speeders, at the end of TLJ, have a stupid "stabilizer" strut that makes the whole aircraft wobble?

Add a set to twin cannons to that thing and you got yourself a whopping collateral damage machine that will assure enemy victory, even if they sit idle.