General life advice?

In this case my advice to you is to focus less on results and more on enjoying the process. If your happiness comes from being good at a video game, you will only set yourself up for disappointment. Basing your enjoyment on your performance is a fleeting happiness. There will always be people who are better than you or day's where you aren't at your best. It is easy to get down on yourself when you take such a narrow view of success.

I remember playing COD4 relentlessly to get to 10th prestige. When I finally attained that goal it didn't quite satisfy me the way I thought it would. At that point I realized I had a lot more fun playing with my friends and messing around than I did grinding it out to try to reach some arbitrary goal. If you are able to find joy in the process (whether it be video games, another hobby, school, work, etc.) I can assure you that you will be more engaged in what you are doing and will ultimately feel more fullfilled.

Think beyond the activity itself and ask yourself what things you enjoy about video games. I have fun trying out new strategies and figuring out how to make them work. It doesn't usually lend itself to high scores, but I like a challenge and really enjoy problem solving. Knowing that about myself has allowed me to explore other hobbies and move into a career that fits in with what I enjoy.

Just one more thing I feel obliged to mention. There is no need for you to be angry at yourself or feel that your life is unimportant. While it is great that you are seeking outside help from us, don't be afraid to see a professional, especially if you find it is getting worse. I know that dealing with these kind of thoughts can be tough, but it can absolutely get better.

 

Ahh, I have a theory on that. When you're a kid, the world is huge to you. It's just a constant bombardment of new things coming at you. There's really no established comfort zone yet. With no points of reference to what you're experiencing, your brain has to do a lot more processing and form denser memories in order to internalize it.

As you get older, less processing has to happen for you to internalize experiences because you have all of these memories of similar things to draw on. You can make sense of it without tying up as many resources. Over time, we start falling into these little experiential grooves when it comes to how much energy is required to process the experiences. We find ourselves wanting to put less effort into things, because we no longer need to. Previously, you didn't have to step outside of your comfort zone. It simply was so by default. When you're older, doing so entails putting forth a greater degree of effort.

I'd describe immersion as a partial dissolution of the self. In your consciousness, there is no more "you" to be found. There is simply the task at hand and the experiences that ensue. It's a paradoxical state in which you are both the actor and the audience... ...the reader of your own narrative.

Getting to the point of forgetting yourself in any task requires a balance of challenge and enjoyment. Too much of a challenge ties up too much of your brainpower and leaves too little to processing what's happening. The effort required is simply too great. Too little of a challenge implies too much familiarity - so although you have more brainpower to internalize the experience, it doesn't have that newness that is needed for a flow state to be attained. A good balance is when you know you're putting in effort, but it doesn't feel like you are. It feels more like you're simply playing.

"Play" is a big part of it. The whole idea is to find things that you are able to do simply for the sake of doing them... ...not entirely without goals, but definitely without anything too specific in mind - expectations can mislead. It also has to demand enough involvement on your end to get your mind doing some work, as well. Being invested requires sort of a loose-gripped investment of energy.

Basically, you can't force it. It's not "should" or "shouldn't." You simply want to do it. The will either is or isn't there. There's a reason they call it "Being swept away."

Like, when you think to yourself, "Man, I can just do this..." and you find yourself wanting to put forth the energy without having to kick yourself in the balls to get going, you know you're onto something. But in order to find those things, you kind of have to surrender some of your reference points. Again, minimal expectations of where things will take you. Ignore those thoughts.

The key seems to be to seek out endeavors that challenge what you know and what you're capable of without completely obliterating the reference point. Easier said than done, for sure. The only way is to really try a lot of things. Just always be seeking out new ways to challenge your perception of enjoyment. Probably best to start with things you know very well and branch out until you reach a happy medium.

It's still possible to experience that childlike state of immersion. It just takes a bit more patience and a willingness to allow matters of the ego to slip away. It's not about how good you are at something. It's not about what you intend to get out of the experience. You're not looking for a means to an end. It's about simply having that experience and allowing the present to pass through you - in one end and out the other. In order to lose time, you have to stop keeping track of it.

 

"WINNERS DON'T USE DRUGS"

William S. Sessions, Director, FBI

 

He's right, guys. They go to the arcade instead.

 

Yup, that's why I drink instead.

 

Oh come on, the arcades was basically the kid's version of laundromat backroom deals...