Comments on Profile Post by Ardacer

  1. Lyander
    Lyander
    Age doesn't mean shit, and loads of younger girls are into old coots nowadays ;)

    Bad humour aside, take as much time as you need to relax and recover. Stuff like this is never easy. Things change, not always for the better, but you can take it as a chance to be better.

    Only after you're well again though.
    Jul 21, 2019
    Deep Funk, hikergrl, obsiCO and 9 others like this.
  2. Jinxy245
    Jinxy245
    The 'like' is for putting it out there. Don't bottle this shit up. talk about it, normalize it & keep building your life.
    Jul 21, 2019
    Josh83, hikergrl, Syzygy and 11 others like this.
  3. Zed Bopp
    Zed Bopp
    Yeah, my like was for your courage to speak about this. That’s a good start.
    Jul 21, 2019
  4. E_Schaaf
    E_Schaaf
    About a year ago my girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me. In retrospect it was a toxic and codependent relationship. Now I'm healthier both physically and mentally and have three loving partners. Life takes some wild turns - great things may be in store for you too.
    Jul 21, 2019
    Jinxy245, hikergrl, brencho and 5 others like this.
  5. Jerry
    Jerry
    Been there. Know exactly how u feel, mate. Give it some time.
    Jul 21, 2019
    hikergrl, Lyander and Ardacer like this.
  6. BenjaminBore
    BenjaminBore
    Be strong, focus on that which brings you joy through these difficuilt times. These all encompassing feelings will fade, & you will be surprised by the experiences that lay ahead of you. You’ll look upon this time with a completely different view to what you now hold, & what you have learned will become the building blocks of your next relationship. Every young relationship becomes a lesson in what not to do.
    Jul 21, 2019
    elguapo, Jinxy245, hikergrl and 2 others like this.
  7. Ardacer
    Ardacer
    Thx guys. I thought I've been through worse but this is pretty bad. She's unstable, I've been her father, boyfriend, mother, friend, you name it. Been her support and helped her finish her studies. Studied with her, supported in any way, and so. Now she told me she started drinking and lighter drugs, and wants to try all these things she couldn't cause she was afraid what I'd think of her.
    Jul 21, 2019
    elguapo, Jinxy245, JK47 and 1 other person like this.
  8. Ardacer
    Ardacer
    I don't want to be a condescending douschebag but she's going down a dark path, I'm genuinely afraid. Not much I can do (or tbh want to do) about it at this point.
    Jul 21, 2019
  9. BenjaminBore
    BenjaminBore
    If things have been this difficuilt up to now and she is determined to go down this path then getting out before it gets a whole lot worse is the best thing you could ever do.

    One of the greatest human weaknesses is caring, because caring in such a situation can destroy you.
    Jul 21, 2019
  10. Ardacer
    Ardacer
    On point. Still hard. Debilitating.
    Jul 21, 2019
    BenjaminBore likes this.
  11. Thad E Ginathom
    Thad E Ginathom
    Lots of good songs that will make you cry. Some films too. Do it. Get it out and done with. Even getting a tear in my eye writing this!
    Jul 21, 2019
    elguapo, Jinxy245, Jerry and 4 others like this.
  12. Thad E Ginathom
    Thad E Ginathom
    But 30! Don't worry about that, it's just getting started! And have you noticed how women often get really gorgeous in their thirties?

    The world is your oyster. When you've had a good weep and got over it.
    Jul 21, 2019
    obsiCO, Jinxy245, hikergrl and 3 others like this.
  13. Lyander
    Lyander
    If still hard after 2 hours, do take care to see a doctor about it.

    Sorry, bit of levity and all. I figure with a bad enough joke you'll have something to get angry about for a change of pace :P

    Take care man, you're brave for being willing to talk about it and for admitting that you feel like shit. Let it run its course
    Jul 21, 2019
    Thad E Ginathom and Ardacer like this.
  14. David De Lucena
    David De Lucena
    Stay close to your good friends and family. Keep your routine, try to stay thinking in the future. The best moves in my life were after great deceptions
    Jul 21, 2019
    obsiCO, elguapo, Lyander and 3 others like this.
  15. EagleWings
    EagleWings
    My heart goes out to you bud. Don’t beat yourself up to recover in a hurry. Things like this take time to get out of your system. Quick recovery with sudden bursts of euphoria and confidence typically backfires. Slow and steady recovery will give you inner peace. Talking to friends and family helps a lot.
    Jul 21, 2019
    obsiCO, elguapo, Jinxy245 and 3 others like this.
  16. JK47
    JK47
    You can pull through, times like these will define and build your character, and it seems you already have a rock solid foundation of one at that.
    Jul 21, 2019
    OJneg, EagleWings, obsiCO and 8 others like this.
  17. Mithrandir41
    Mithrandir41
    Take your time, cry, and get out and do stuff! We've all been through some bad break ups. It sucks, but you will get through it
    Jul 21, 2019
    obsiCO, Lyander, Deep Funk and 3 others like this.
  18. obsiCO
    obsiCO
    Now is a good time to try doing new stuff. When I was in your shoes, I found going to concerts and movies really helps. Take your time and take it easy, I promise things will only get better with time!
    Jul 21, 2019
    elguapo, Lyander, Jerry and 1 other person like this.
  19. Jerry
    Jerry
    Hate to say this. But if you can, the most effective way is to get a rebound girl. It helps tremendously.
    Jul 21, 2019
    EagleWings and Ardacer like this.
  20. Ardacer
    Ardacer
    It does. Not sure that's a viable long term solution. I'm weak and desperate at this moment, probably not a good time to approach women until I've cooled down. I'd probably do something stupid.
    Jul 21, 2019
  21. Deep Funk
    Deep Funk
    Have sort of been there. Not a toxic relation though. Even a civil break-up hurts. I worked and suppressed my feelings back then. Now: I should have partied for at least a month. Enjoy life...
    Jul 22, 2019
  22. Josh83
    Josh83
    I had three multi-year relationships before meeting my wife when I was 29. There’s a reason you didn’t get married already. I didn’t want to marry any of my previous girlfriends, even after two or three years, but wanted to marry my now-wife within five dates. Stay positive and remember that things will get better.

    As an aside... @E_Schaaf ... THREE?! At once!? (Drags over fainting couch.)
    Jul 22, 2019
    Claritas, Jerry, obsiCO and 7 others like this.
  23. E_Schaaf
    E_Schaaf
    @Josh83 As someone who never intends to marry or reproduce, polyamory definitely works best with my lifestyle. Takes a lot of pressure off of each of my relationships too - no one partner needs to fulfill all of my relationship and emotional support needs, and I don't for them either. Didn't know it'd work for me until I tried it.
    Jul 22, 2019
    JK47, Jinxy245, Ardacer and 1 other person like this.
  24. Mithrandir41
    Mithrandir41
    @Ardacer, I've never had a rebound girl, but I have drowned myself in ass for a couple years before I happened upon the right one. It may be uncouth, but it's true. If you do go on a booty hunt, don't catch anything!
    Jul 22, 2019
    obsiCO, JK47, Thad E Ginathom and 2 others like this.
  25. Lyander
    Lyander
    Re: schaafting multiple people, I get that it's not typical but I'm personally supportive of it so long as all parties consent. Different strokes for different folks and all that, plus I also personally think there's beauty in being emotionally open with more than one person.

    Or millennials are just weird, that explanation works.

    (Definitely be careful not to catch anything you don't already have though.)
    Jul 22, 2019
    Jerry, obsiCO, Mithrandir41 and 3 others like this.
  26. Ardacer
    Ardacer
    I'm an old fashioned type of guy regarding such topics. Completely respect and understand everyone's needs, styles and choices. But for myself, it's like those birds that mate for life. It's what I've seen at home, and it was beautiful. If I can be half the man and father my dad was once, I'll consider it a huge success.
    Jul 22, 2019
    obsiCO, Josh83, elguapo and 4 others like this.
  27. OJneg
    OJneg
    Consider talking to a priest. Even if it's for the first time.
    Jul 22, 2019
    Ardacer likes this.
  28. Ardacer
    Ardacer
    Priest? I've so far spoken just with my best friend and you guys. Didn't want to nag my mother with this, it's my burden, not hers. Why do you think a priest would be a good idea? Curious, not judging.
    Jul 22, 2019
  29. Thad E Ginathom
    Thad E Ginathom
    I was at a session where the Dali Lama took questions. Somebody asked hiim something about married life. He said, "Why ask me about married life: I'm a monk!"
    Jul 22, 2019
    Jerry, obsiCO, EagleWings and 4 others like this.
  30. Claritas
    Claritas
    Let yourself really feel what you're feeling now. If you ignore it, it could become much worse later. But if doing that becomes too difficult, do *not* hesitate about seeing a psychiatrist to take the edge off. God be with you.
    Jul 23, 2019
    Josh83, obsiCO, EagleWings and 3 others like this.
  31. Thad E Ginathom
    Thad E Ginathom
    can't ignore heartbreak. And I guess there is no cure for it, except time. @Ardacer, you are a doc, and I'm sure that medical science agrees with this.

    Mind you, as a herbal-medicine dabbler, I have found a mixture that may take the edge off things:
    Jul 23, 2019
    Ardacer likes this.
  32. Thad E Ginathom
    Thad E Ginathom
    ... Scullcap, Valerian, and Kava Kava. The first two are common in European herbal medicine. The third may or may not be available/legal-to-buy-or-sell-or-import in your country, and comes with a health warning. cf Kavalactones. Legal disclaimer: I have no qualification to prescribe, and am only retelling a personal experience :)
    Jul 23, 2019
    Jinxy245 and Ardacer like this.
  33. Ardacer
    Ardacer
    Just wanted to say thanks. You all took your time to respond to this stupid status and show support. It did help, I guess I knew it would. Feeling bit better, met with a friend I last saw 12 years ago. Went for a coffee. He was an idiot back then, became very wise now. Life's interesting.
    Jul 24, 2019
    obsiCO, Jerry, Josh83 and 3 others like this.
  34. Lyander
    Lyander
    You lucked out, I have a friend that was pretty cool in high school that turned out to be a massive dumbass later on. Still not that old, granted, so I'm giving him benefit of the doubt ;)
    Jul 24, 2019
    Thad E Ginathom and Ardacer like this.
  35. Ardacer
    Ardacer
    Update. No news from her since. Hope she's doing fine. I went on for a weekend with my best female friend that I've known for a very long time. Turns out we have a thing for each other. She's absolutely wonderful. Hope my ex finds someone like that too one day.
    I've done some edits not to clog the feed and make things a bit more concise. Very thankful for your support guys, seriously.
    Jul 28, 2019
    Josh83, Jinxy245, Jerry and 4 others like this.
  36. Ardacer
    Ardacer
    We got caught in a thunderstorm that came out of nowhere. Got soaked, lightning struck 50m from us, we were in the forest :/
    Lost my flipflops in the stream, had to go barefoot through all that several km
    Super interesting weekend
    Jul 28, 2019
    Jerry likes this.
  37. Jerry
    Jerry
    Wouldnt be that interestimg if you happen to be alone.
    Jul 29, 2019
    Thad E Ginathom and Ardacer like this.
  38. Thad E Ginathom
    Thad E Ginathom
    Good news, @Ardacer! Very happy news indeed.
    Jul 29, 2019
    Jerry and Ardacer like this.