Comments on Profile Post by ColtMrFire

Long story short, jumped on bumble recently (after becoming a veteran of the tinder wars), 3 shitty dating experiences in a row (2 of which showed great promise but awful plot twist in the 3rd act). I'm just utterly demoralized and exhausted from it all.

I mean... dating in the pre-app generation wasn't exactly sunshine and rainbows either, but I know what you're getting at. I started way back on plenty of fish, gave up on that and tried "normal" dating which turned out even worse, etc

Have you tried telling them about your audio gear?

@Armaegis Yes. But I feel like dating apps encourage a culture of flakiness in much greater intensity that I don't remember pre-apps.

@Armaegis It's as if people are commoditized like products on a shelf in a market, which allows one to dehumanize others since they are just one in a sea of "faces/products". It is similar to how social media doesn't nurture real friendships, since so many on there aren't really friends, just others you are tying to "impress".

Anyway, anecdotal experiences tend to warp perspectives, but just wanted to vent a little.

I bounce in two clubs and my observations of which there are many, are that online remains the worst option by far, followed by night life, though the latter is still far better and in a sense more rewarding, potentially sharpening communication skills, wit etc. Approaching during the day: shopping, cafes, street, outdoor activities in the park remains the best until this day.

I

I solely recommend my hugely frustrated friends to skip online and nightlies but they just can't let go, stagnating in a vicious circle, always doing the same dumb stuff involving intoxication with alcohol etc.

I

I sm not of much help now but the dopamine draught that online dating and all these apps cause is harmful, can make you miserable, even suffering. It's clearly obvious and easy to see how it shapes and affects people when you look at their body language, speech, speech patterns.

Anyway.
Approaching all by yourself during the day where people are more likely to be themselves is more rewarding and since most men still don't do it or can't your luck or chances are way higher. Also way higher chance to not meet one of these dopamin draught zombies.

I happen to agree that many of us are lucky; 37 years married to my best friend. It take work and blood though, for sure. YMMV.

Buy a Waifu

@Huhnkopf Yes. I've done day approaches (grocery store, etc), but those have not been much better. Alot of ghosting and fickleness. Thanks for replying.

Sorry to hear of your troubles, Mr. Fire. I hope things turn around for you.

Live in CA but pre covid trips to Austin - fun dates on random nights out - great time. Post covid visits after the LA, bay area, NY, and DC people moved out to Austin - nope. Felt pretentious and like everyone had a chip on their shoulder. My time people watching was about the same.

I think the power move is to be handsome, interesting, and successful right? Oh, and humble. Definitely humble. Did I mention extremely attractive and humble?

Years ago I learned to dance as a way to socialize and meet people. Then I became a dance teacher/organizer, which ironically made it even harder to date because then there's a power discrepancy which one must be ultra careful not to cross. On the other hand, being the organizer I have certainly facilitated many relationships under my wings and have seen many happy couples and resultant children from it.

Like most things in life, a little bit of luck comes into play for any success. Your luck will change--you just need to give things some time. And good things will come when you least expect it.

The biggest nearby church is a good place to find women who want stable, married lives.

There's a price to pay: one has to subscribe to, or at least put up with, the attendant religion. Fine, if one is completely agnostic/don't-care about such things, but I'm not.

I've had my fill of dating apps, but I can't say that the girls I've met on Tinder, Bumble, or Reddit haven't inspired some... interesting stories. There're certainly anecdotes of people finding good life partners through each, but as joch mentioned that's a matter of luck on top of everything else. All things in good time, just don't overextend yourself or burn out. Also, have (sensible) fun with it.

I sympathize - I'd be struggling if single in today's world. I'm dedicated to the mantra "happy wife (/partner), happy life". Has worked so far the past 20 years.

“Happy wife, happy life” is a good mantra but I prefer “Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets.”

The world moves fast. Previous GF: in-print dating column. Current wife, Internet (Indian "matrimonials" site). I've never actually used a dating app. I've never even installed one from curiosity.

Referring back to @Claritas, I do think the religious folk have a head start, with a tailor-made meeting place. At least, the ones that don't segregate the genders.

... And a surprising number of people here actually do OK out of leaving the whole thing to mum & dad to arrange with someone else's mum & dad!

Happily married folks are lucky. Unhappily married folks have it worse than the single people out there, IMO.

My best advice is don’t force anything. Work on being your best self and like minded people will gravitate to that.

Oh and just flat out get off dating sites/apps. Delete all of your accounts. Nothing more dehumanizing than turning your search for a partner into a branding exercise.

I feel for you...I think what works well is friends of friends. Just make good friends and meet new people through them. There's a level of trust you can get that apps cannot provide.

Also, it shouldn't be that hard when you ultimately meet your partner. it should be fun and exciting and you try hard because you're enjoying being with the other person but if you're finding lots of drama, better to get out early and move on.

I've been happilly married for 25+ yrs but it's a lot of work. If I was a young single guy in 2023 I'd be red pill/MGTOW or Passport Bro. 99% of these laydees today are entitled and crazy